It has never been easy. When I was sixteen, I knew every potentially fatal thing in my house: Nail polish remover under the sink. Bottle of rubbing alcohol beside it. Hammer in the tool box. Forty foot bridge across the highway. Traffic outside my window.

I thought about slamming my own head against a counter until I lost feeling. I thought about punching myself in the face until I stopped breathing. I thought about running out into the street at two a.m. and waiting until a car came.

I never thought I’d make it to twenty-five. But I told myself to stay. Just for a little longer. Just to see.

So I did. I sat silent amongst my friends, searching for a way to speak. I stopped leaving my house. I swapped sleeping for staying up all night, staring at my bedroom walls. When someone came into my room to talk to me, I started crying. But I stayed. Because I thought, if I plan on dying in a few years anyway, what do I have to lose? And some days I didn’t feel like I was being swallowed whole. Some days I sat by my pool and sang until the sun set. Some days I kissed somebody on their parent’s couch and didn’t feel lonely when I got to my own bed. Some days I listened to a really great song and felt understood, if only for a second.

I stayed. And still I thought about bridges. And hammers to the head. And swallowing acetone to cleanse my insides. But slowly slowly slowly I began to understand that it was okay to cry, and shake, and feel anything but okay. I realized that there would still be days that my fist would rise to my cheek. And still, my face would sometimes resemble a bruised peach.

But now I tear up my lists of potentially ways to die before I complete them. I replace prescription: pills, rubbing alcohol, and razors with memories of the good days. Of holding your hand through the entire state of Oregon. Of running half-naked down a snowy street three New Year’s ago. Of riding go-carts in the Canadian wilderness. Of smoking cigarettes on the beach in San Francisco with someone I met six months ago. If I had left, we would not know each other.

If you feel the same way, stay. For the good days. And the sunsets. And the people out there who understand. Stay because being submerged in black water does not mean you have to drown. Stay. Just for a little longer. Just to see.

Stay | Lora Mathis 

Erase the stigma behind mental illness. Being alive isn’t easy. We all have to help each other out. Losing Robin Williams to depression was a tragedy. Reach out to those around you and always offer help. 

(via lora-mathis)

(via miserablexatxbest)



squat-press-pull:

palegettinghealthy:

onlylolgifs:

dog trying to save fishes

my heart

Dogs are better than people

(via miserablexatxbest)


ice-cream-and-cigarettes:

achievement-hunter:

miggylol:

pumpkin spice candles soon

pumpkin lattes soon

pumpkin everything

image

image

(via ohfrickitsbrit)


wholelottagoodpeopleinheaven:

perks-of-being-an-emily:

betsofthorn:

perks-of-being-an-emily:

Does it matter?

over is better

You wipe your ass with it why does it matter which way you put it on the thing.

Stop being so obnoxious Emily. Let people enjoy their damn toilet paper haha

wholelottagoodpeopleinheaven:

perks-of-being-an-emily:

betsofthorn:

perks-of-being-an-emily:

Does it matter?

over is better

You wipe your ass with it why does it matter which way you put it on the thing.

Stop being so obnoxious Emily. Let people enjoy their damn toilet paper haha

(via still-trying-to-find-it)



I’m really kinky and slutty but also really really shy



ieknows:

J cole is the new Tupac. I swear. There is a big difference between tweeting about the situation and actually being on the scene with the people. Much respect to cole world.

ieknows:

J cole is the new Tupac. I swear. There is a big difference between tweeting about the situation and actually being on the scene with the people. Much respect to cole world.


trillenaa:

Responses to the autopsy report of Michael Brown


livelaughloveatrandom:

I saw this in Corinthians.

livelaughloveatrandom:

I saw this in Corinthians.

(via ariannavanessa)


sergeantjerkbarnes:

if i’m ever rich i’m gonna always leave huge tips, like 200%. that’s like the dream. having enough money to give some waitress 40 bucks extra just because she’s nice.

(via callieeee234)


woodendreams:

Gorges du Verdon, France (by Stéphane ROY)

woodendreams:

Gorges du Verdon, France (by Stéphane ROY)


overpasslightbrigade:

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.
Overpass Light Brigade in Milwaukee

overpasslightbrigade:

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.

Overpass Light Brigade in Milwaukee

(via mama-de-dragones)